Medicine for the Missionary

The following is borrowed from John Piper's Desiring God, but it gives a wonderful synapsis of the few weeks here for me.
""All things are possible with God" Mark 10:27
Sovereign grace is the spring of life for the Christian Hedonist. For what the Christian Hedonist loves best is the experience of the sovereign grace of God filling him and overflowing for the good of others.
Christian Hedonist missionaries love the experience of "not I, but the grace of God that is with me" 1 Cor 15:10. They bask in the truth that the fruit of their missionary labor is entirely of God, 1 Cor 3:7, Rom 11:36.
They feel only gladness when the Master says, "Apart from me you can do nothing" John 15:5. They leap like lambs over the truth that God has taken the impossible weight of new creation off their shoulders and put it on His own. Without begrudging, they say, "Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God" 2 Cor 3:5.
"I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me to bring the Gentiles to obedience." Rom 15:18
"All things are possible with God!"- in front the words give hope, and behind they give humility. They are the antidote to despair and pride- the perfect missionary medicine."" Desiring God p 235-6

Over this last month, I have felt totally inadequate. I guess most of us feel this way when we are done with training, and finally practicing on our own, but then we realize how alone that really is.

A visiting team was here for 2 weeks, and during that time we/they performed 25 cath procedures on 22 patients. Last year they had one die post cath, and so that was the goal this year, no one die post cath. And we made it, through the Lord's grace, though we had 3 codes in one day in the cath lab, we made it, and God was so good! That week was wonderful sharing Him with the gracious and grateful families and patients. I would leave the house at 6am, and then get home at 8,9,10 pm, and yet it was very strange to walk away at night. All through training, we had "in house call", and I live 30 minutes away without traffic, and no car yet, so if something happened overnight, tough. Yet when I would leave I had the peace that the Lord was in control, gratefulness for the wonderful nurses that we had, and knowledge that it was all in His Hands anyway. Then in the morning when I would be walking in not knowing what I would find, God put this song in my heart, so I would sing: "Bless the Lord o my soul, o my soul, worship His Holy name, sing like never before, o my soul, I'll worship your holy name" (and then the first verse, as I would walk in the sun was usually coming up) "the sun comes up, it's a new day dawning, it's time to sing your song again, WHATEVER MAY PASS AND WHATEVER LIES BEFORE ME, let me be singing when the evening comes!" And what a blessed Saviour we have, as every night on the way home on the back of a "boda-boda" (motorcycle) leaving, He would return this song!

The 2nd week did not start so well. In my post call stupor on Sat, I remember thinking I wonder why this patient's CVP has gone up, and her BP has gone down a little. Oh well, let me sign out and go. And then I hear the next day she is back in the OR, and passed away. A few days later I read the answer in one of my review books. How humbling! The rest of the week goes pretty well. 10 open heart surgery cases. I work nights, and spend the days resting at the hospital guest house up the hill, so that I am close just in case. And yet still the inadequacy! I trained for a certain population, and yet I work with a totally different population, (as most missionary docs do). We repair Tetrology of Fallot patients at 6 months in the US, here they are 8 and 6 years old, totally different post-op care, and yet as a surgeon friend of mine told me yesterday "each case is a learning case."

And so as the above states, "apart from me you can do NOTHING" :the perfect antidote to despair and pride. He has called for such a time as this, and what a blessing to serve!! (thank you to all of those who make this possible!) All of those hours, despite the despair, uncertainty, and sadness when one passes is not cancelled but at least tempered by the many who walk out with smiles on their faces, repaired hearts, and know the Love of Jesus that only He can give.

Thank you for this opportunity!!! God Bless, Joel